*Taps the microphone*
Hello? Hello? Anyone there?
Sorry, I have completely ignored you and there really is no excuse for me so I won't even try. I will however give you a tiny little treasure to cherish today.
Me: "Hello, I'm calling because your child is absent from school today"
Parent: "Yes, my child has chapped lips so I kept him home today."
Me: "Wow. Really?"
Parent: "Yes, he has to put on chap stick all day long, so he couldn't come to school today."
Me: "..............Alright then."
The above is a true and accurate story, because really...you can't make this shit up.