Saturday, December 22, 2012

And we go round and round...

I have isolated the problem with our health care system. Seriously.

We have been very fortunate to have the girls covered under Healthy Families since they were born. The Mr and I don't have coverage...but that's a post for another day ;). Anyway, it's that time of year when we have to renew our application for coverage. Since we are self-employed, we have to submit different paperwork than your average bear. We have to provide something called a Profit and Loss Statement. Now, I won't bore you with the details (you're welcome), but I will tell you that through this process, I have discovered the root of all bureaucratic red-tape evil. It's stupidity. True story.


At the bottom of our Profit and Loss Statement, we have to certify that we aren't pulling Big Brother's leg. We have to say something like, "The information provided is true to the full extent of my knowledge". Sounds pretty simple, right?


Here is what I submitted, a month ago...

"The information provided is correct to the full extent of my knowledge"

Pretty stellar word choice, right? Apparently, the Powers That Be took exception to my beautiful declaration and said that I have to include "above". Because clearly, when you include a statement about money shit on the same page as your money shit, there can be some confusion about what you're referring to. Perhaps, I was certifying that all the invisible numbers were true and you just had to use your imagination to see them.

So, I sent them this, "The information provided ABOVE is correct to the full extent of my knowledge". Bueno! bueno. 2 weeks later, I receive a notification that the coverage will expire because they asked for paperwork and I didn't provide it. Huh.

So, I called and politely asked, "Really? What the fuck is the problem this time?"

I guess I'm shady as fuck and can't be trusted, because the word "true" just won't cut it. Now, I have to say "true and correct". Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but don't they mean the same thing in a general sense? I mean, really...You can't say something is true if it isn't correct and you can't claim something is correct if it isn't true. Right? Maybe I'm splitting hairs here, but come now, this is ridiculous.

So, I faxed them this, "The information provided ABOVE is TRUE and CORRECT to the full extent of my knowledge!!!!" Yes, I used CAPS and EXCLAMATION POINTS. Dammit.

But, really, here's what I wanted to say, "The fucking information provided ABOVE is TRUE and fucking CORRECT to the full extent of my knowledge, Assholes."

But I didn't.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Ants, laundry and being thankful

I have been waging a great battle. Seriously, I am currently engaged with a vast and menacing army and I don't think I'm winning. The Great Ant Battle is currently underway in my house. Ants makes me homicidal. True story. As of right now, my kitchen is torn apart because there were ants in my butter dish, on the dishes, the paper towels and in the silverware drawer. They are also hanging out in the bathrooms and wandering around Little Bit's dresser. Why they were crawling all over the extra paper towels and trooping across the top of the dresser, I'll never know. Hey, I never said ants were smart.


Like I said, ants makes me homicidal and being homicidal is pretty much a negative thing. As I was thinking about my blog today, I thought...I'm going to blog about the stupid ants! That will show the little bastards! But then, I remembered that ants don't have access to the internet and even if they did, I'm pretty sure they can't read.


I decided to go against my deepest, darkest feelings and blog about things I'm thankful for.


I am thankful for ants in my butter...because this means I have food in my kitchen.
I am thankful for a broken dishwasher...because this means I have dirty plates due to my kids getting to eat every day.
I am thankful for ants in the bathrooms...because this means we have indoor plumbing.
I am thankful for bills...because this means my family has a roof over our heads.
I am thankful for piles of laundry...because this means that my family has clothes on their backs.
I am thankful the stupid signs my neighbor puts in her yard...because this means our neighborhood is a safe place for kids to hang out and play.
I am thankful for ridiculous gas prices...because this means I have a car to put gas into.
I am thankful for the obscene cell phone bill my daughter ran up...because this means she has dear friends to talk to.
I am thankful for my alarm clock...because this means I have purpose every day.
I am thankful my husband works 6 days a week...because this means my family is provided for.

Did you see what I did there? Normally, I would just bitch, bitch, bitch about this stuff. But today, today, I choose joy and thankfulness.

Monday, December 10, 2012

In which I get heckled

This is the pin that I posted. Funny, right? I realized the other day that I haven't been fond of a presidential candidate in many, many years, so this isn't me just harping on Obama. But, you know, take it any way you want ;)

Love theis president

If you are so inherently opposed to what I pin, why bother following this board? This isn't meant to be a public forum for debate.

I'm not follpwing you, don't worry. Just can't stand haters when I accidently run across them in this world. Sorry for you.

Oh brother...get over yourself. Self righteousness is unattractive.
Still sorry for you, now knock it off and talk to someone that agrees with your sick outlook on this world.

Oh honey, you're the one who started commenting, remember? I'm just pinning shit that makes me laugh, not getting butt hurt when I see something I don't agree with.
B: (this is a friend of mine)
Wow, someone needs to get a life don't they?

Another Pinterest user:
LOVE THIS PIN!!! So sad, but true!
You know, I think its one of those times where "live and let live" don't apply. I'm sure, had the election gone the other way, her boards would be filled with Romney bashing pins. It's all good, people like that amuse me more than anything :)
No I don't pin hateful things. Would block all you haters with no respect if I could. What are you teaching your children?. So Sad .

Wow, who ate your bowl of sunshine? It's called having a sense of humor, you should try it. And feel free to block me anytime, seeing as you keep coming back to my pins...not the other way around.
Funny shit, huh? My personal favorite is where she questions my parenting skills. Now, I'm curious, of the two of us, which one seems to be hateful and aggressive?