Saturday, February 19, 2011

Did you know that? Now you know

My parents are great. Really, they are, but I have to admit that with their greatness comes some...issues. I didn't know it at the time, but my sister and I were raised really different than other kids we knew. It wasn't until I was an adult that I figured out that things were a little weird in my house. It is a constant source of discovery (for me) and entertainment (for my husband, brother-in-law and best friend) to come across new and interesting things I didn't know before.

So interesting, in fact, I decided to make a list! (If you haven't realized by now, I REALLY like lists.)

Things I didn't know:
  • There should be meat in things like tacos, lasagna, spaghetti. Growing up, we had "mock" lasagna made with spinach, cottage cheese and a little bit of sauce. Tacos were cheese, lettuce, tomatoes and olives.
  • There is a whole array of medicines that treat all kinds of things! Nausea medicine, heartburn medicine, diarrhea medicine. It's like tiny little miracles in every single bottle!
  • I didn't know that you should mop the floors. Frequently. Don't even get me started.
  • I didn't know that 7-up, while not necessarily beneficial, can taste like nectar from Heaven when you are sick. Instead, we had awful shit like Pau d'Arco Tea which looked, smelled and tasted like boiled dirt. There are no words that can describe this atrocity.
  • I didn't know that bread should only crunch if it's toasted. We had bread that had nuts and other large, crunchy stuff in it. And it was so heavy, it could double as a billy club in a pinch.
  • I thought Bologna was the coolest thing EVER. We didn't have stuff like that so when I went to a friend's house I always hoped they would serve bologna. On white bread. I was probably the easiest kid to please, just throw me a couple pieces of bologna and white bread and I was a happy camper!
These are the greatest hits of my childhood. Jealous much?


  1. I used to have some Pau d'Arco gel I used on my skin, and St. Brenda Johnson used to tell me that it was supposed to be good for you or something. Poor you...languishing in illness drinking Pau d'Arco from h*** and eating crunchy bread...I totally relate to your mom, but poor you!! Thank GOODNESS you are feeding your kids normal stuff! Your blog is so stinkin' funny--I could really see it as a book--and as a movie. Well, why not?

    Love you Ringmaster!


  2. Ha Ha! Parents are great. I got some of my best neurosis from my parents.

  3. I wasn't allowed to watch the cartoon Gummy Bears because there was magic in it. My dad didn't really want me watching the smurfs either.

    I was only allowed to spend the night 3 times per year at a friends house. This included slumber parties. Needless to say, I missed out on a lot of slumber parties, I did not appreciate this one bit.

  4. I wasn't supposed to watch Smurf's either because apparently Gargamel was full of evil wizardry!


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