Tuesday, March 22, 2011

If I were Queen

I told my boss today that I should be in charge. Of everything. Seriously. I have a plan if this dream was to ever come to fruition:

  • If you can't be a sensible parent (note I didn't say good parent because oftentimes we are not. but sensible is not too much to ask), then you are to be subjected to a series of fines and if you can't get your act together, you will be sterilized to avoid future births.
  • Politicians shall be replaced by moms and only moms. Why? We are great at multi-tasking, we can give you an ass-whupping and then slap a band-aid on when you whine about it. Don't you think this approach would solve a multitude of global problems?
  • If you drive like an idiot, you shall be treated by an idiot. By this I mean your license, your car, your fuzzy dice and possibly your driving foot shall be taken away from you. No exceptions.
  • There shall be no more starving models walking around making the rest of us feel like big piles of poo.
  • If you can't play nice with the country next door to you, you shall be grounded with absolutely no privileges until you can play nice. If you are a repeat offender you shall be declared a menace and will be subject to punishment in the form of sewer scrubber. Forever.
  • Reality shows shall be declared unfit television and will be removed from existence. With the exception of  Who do you Think you are?, Hell's Kitchen  and most things on HGTV. Why? Because I like them.
See? A few basic rules and the world can be a better place.   


  1. I'll vote for you! Maybe I could be your running mate?

  2. Oh definitely! We could take them by storm!!

  3. Honey, you are gonna win by acclamation! And I would like to be Secretary in Charge of Cultural Affairs, and make a major ruling that no theater can have multiple screens of the latest commercial dreck without having at least one screen of Serious Art Films. Which I will choose.

    With me on that? I'll be awaiting my appointment...



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