Wednesday, February 22, 2012

iPods, fractures and a discount

I think there is a conspiracy against me, and my iPod is in on it.

Due to the excessive amount of time I spend in my car, I have been listening to a lot of podcasts. Alot of them. Yesterday, while driving to school, I started the first podcast in my "Stuff Mom Never Told You" queue. Ordinarily, these are fairly benign and often very educational. Good stuff.

Not this time.

The podcast was titled "Is masturbation good for you", an enticing title, to be sure. They started out talking about the different myths associated with masturbation and statistics of who is doing it and where. For the most part, this didn't sound to dangerous, so I kept listening. I was doing really well until the conversation turned to the dangers of men humping hard surfaces. Hard surfaces?? What, like the table or a door? No, no...the floor. WTF?? Guys hump the floor?! Apparently, they do and if they do it too hard (!!), they risk the chance of a penile fracture.


You heard it right folks, penile fracture. I almost had to stop the car so that I could vomit. *shudders*

I decided the safest course of action would be to change podcasts. Yeah, I'm just that smart.

So, I switched to "Stuff From The Science Lab - Those crazy Kimodos". Cool, right? Not so much. Apparently, Kimodo Dragons vomit. All. The. Time. And not just your normal vomit, they vomit things like partially digested goats. Goats!

And, another switch. This time it was about sending Jay-Z and Beyonce on the Virgin Galactic to film a music video. At the cost of $200,000. It's a good thing people don't waste money on stupid shit. Let me tell you that as soon as I heard the words "vomit bag", I switched again.

Then, I noticed the title on the next podcast... How the digestive system works.


On the upside, I went to Save Mart after class to do some grocery shopping. As I was checking out, I handed the lady my S.H.A.R.E.S. card (super cool if you've never heard of it. You earn points every time you shop and then Save Mart sends a check to your school. Check it out.). As she proceeds to push the button telling the register that she is going to slide my card, she accidentally presses the senior discount button. Sweet! $10 off my grocery purchase! I am totally willing to be a senior, if it saves me money.

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