Friday, December 9, 2011

In which my neighbor's true identity is revealed

I firmly believe that my neighbor is indeed, a superhero.

How can I know this, you ask? Well, I'll tell you...

Around Halloween, I happened to glance at his front window (this is a bedroom with a window that faces the street) and I saw what I can only imagine to be a poster featuring Batman, The Riddler and The Joker (I think). I didn't really think anything of this as it was Halloween and people do some weird shit to their houses around this time of year. Did I mention he is really, really weird? No? Well, that won't do.

He only wears sweatpants and muscle shirts with tennis shoes. This would be okay if he say, worked at a gym or spent alot of time at the gym or...was an 80's Jazzercise instructor. To my knowledge, he is none of these things so this behavior becomes weird and slightly disturbing. He also wears a fanny pack.

A fanny pack. You read that right. My theory about this is that he distracts bad guys with its weirdness and then does his superhero thing.

He's also probably in his 50's. And by his own admission, stays up most of the night and sleeps very, very late the next day. Not quite feeling the weird? I can fix that.

He combs all his (grey) hair up to the front of his head and then does a weird sort of poofy thing right at the top of his forehead. It sort of resembles a pompadour which looks super hot on say...

Sean Connery (you're welcome)


James Dean (again, you're welcome)

or even...

John Travolta (while he's not my favorite, he still rocked the pompadour. oh, you're welcome)

Does my neighbor look anything like this? Well, of course he doesn't. He just looks weird. Oh! I almost forgot the event that confirmed my suspicions. I was in the backyard and glanced over his fence. I had a direct view of his dining room window and what do you think was hanging in this window? Bedsheets with ninjas on them. Ninja sheets, doesn't get any weirder. Ninjas added to the Marvel comic character poster (which is still there. In December.), could really only mean one thing. He is, in fact, a superhero. 

Because really, what other explanation could there be?

1 comment:

  1. That must be it!

    You know you would be sad if he moved, you wouldn't be able to wonder about his weirdness.


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