Friday, September 9, 2011

Dress code

There is a disturbance in the force. I came home from bringing the girls to school, pulled into my driveway and was accosted by the sight of the man 2 doors down running amok in his underwear.

Okay...maybe not actually running, but he was definitely outside the safe zone in his chonies.

People please, put your clothes on!!!

This ranks right up there with going to the store in your jammies, walking around in your bunny slippers, women going "commando" and unfortunate public displays of Spandex.

All I ask is this, think before you walk out your door. Think to yourself, "Would I want my picture taken in this? Would I get arrested for wearing (or not wearing) this? Would this get-up enable me to catch the attention of the opposite sex?" Let's clarify that, shall we? I use the word "catch" in the sense that it would elicit an appreciative whistle or perhaps a classic, "How YOU doin'?", not "catch" in the sense that it would result in any of the following: a restraining order, a jump from a Taser or a faceful of Mace.

The guidelines are pretty clear, before leaving your safe zone, you should have the following:

1. Shirt - If you are a man with a washboard stomach, please feel free to skip this step.
2. Bra - Men, most of you can disregard this step. However, if you have moobs, please, please reconsider.
3. Underwear - Now, not all underwear is equal, you know it and I know it. Underwear should be just that..."Under Wear". Do we want to see your chonies? No. If this confuses you, please refer to guideline #4. Keep it covered, folks.
4. Shorts/Pants/Skirt - Keep in mind that at no time should your ass be visible. Period.
5. Footwear - Notice, I said "footwear" not "sleepwear.
6. Deodorant - I realize that this is not technically clothing but I feel that it is just as important.

Follow these guidelines boys and girls and we will all get along just fine.

1 comment:

  1. Since you added deodorant, can we add in something about not bathing in cologne?


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