I had no idea that when I signed up to be a mom that I would be required to also act as warden, cop and referee. Well, the referee part I kind of expected because my sister and I were almost always at war with each other. The warden part wasn't a surprise either because in general, children tend to act like little criminals...but perhaps with not as much malice as your common criminal. But the cop part? Really? For all my enforcement, I should have a badge. And a gun. And a bullet proof vest. And a Taser gun.
What do I police, do you ask?
You name it...dirty clothes, dinner time, homework, showers, bedtime.
Bedtime in particular. How fucking hard is it to just go to bed when I ask you to? This is what generally happens in my house come bedtime.
Me: Please go shower, brush your teeth and get your jammies on.
Minion: *ominous silence*
Me: Get up and get in the shower.
Minion: I'm hungry.
Me: Move. Now.
Minion: Do I have to take a shower?
Me: Yes. Go. Now.
Minion: Do I have to go first?
Me: You do now, just for asking that. Move it.
Minion: *flounces down the hall, slams the door*
Me: Where's the wine?
40 minutes later
Me: Seriously? Get out of the shower and go to bed!
Minion: Mommmm, I am!
Minion: Why are you mad? Gah!!
Me: Shoot me.
All in all, the whole ordeal takes at least an hour. And usually ends up with me having to shadow their every move in order to make sure they are doing what they are supposed to be doing. It also ends up with one or more of them looking at me like my head is spinning around on my shoulders and asking why I'm irritated. You can't imagine? Really?