Shhhhhh

You know you need a vacation when a Jr Higher comes to the office for some stupid complaint (again) and the thing you want to say most in the world is, "Listen here, you little Fucker..."

Between friends

Day 4 (of 30ish)

Things I love

In which I tell you about my other BFF ♥

My friend Kat is probably one of my favorite people in the whole world and I'll tell you why.

Just about everything she touches works out. I don't know how she does it, but I am in awe.
The more kids she has around her, the more she thrives. It's all I can do to make it through the day with 2 and she make 4 and sometimes 6 kids look like a walk in the park.
She is completely comfortable in her own skin and if you don't like it, tough.
She has been my friend since High School and even though there have been times when we weren't close, we always return to the comfortable friendship that only true friends experience.
Family comes first for her. Always.
She's ballsy. In a good way.
I know that I can call her anytime, anyplace for anything and she will always be there.
She's one of those people that subscribes to the mentality that if you fuck with one of us, you fuck with all of us. I like that.
She loves me for me. Not who I could be or who I could be for her. Me. Just me. That's awesome.

You should go visit her at Kat

Riddle me this

Day 3 (of 30ish)

Things that baffle me

Fashion trends I just don't understand:

Skinny jeans for boys. Really? I wonder if that could make you all look any more awkward than you already do?

Super low slung jeans. Personally, I believe there's a problem when the distance from crotch to button is 2 inches. I live in fear I'm going to see things I shouldn't. Cover your goods, girls!

Really big, curly hair on boys. This is wrong. It was wrong when Afro's were the thing and it's wrong now.

The "Comb-Over" for girls. Have you seen this? Teenage girls that start their part above the ear and sweep it up and over their head? WTF is this??? Save the comb-over for when you're old.

Big Ass Urkel glasses. Or for you younger whipper-snappers, Napoleon Dynamite glasses. The girls are wearing these and I cannot fathom what would possess them to do so. They look retarded and they make you look retarded.



Maybe I'm aging myself and I fully understand the whole concept of fashion trends but come on, some things just shouldn't be tolerated. Stop this weirdy shit at once!

Behold, the dark side (of the wind)

*Taps the microphone*

Hello? Hello? Anyone there?

Sorry, I have completely ignored you and there really is no excuse for me so I won't even try. I will however give you a tiny little treasure to cherish today.

Me: "Hello, I'm calling because your child is absent from school today"

Parent: "Yes, my child has chapped lips so I kept him home today."

Me: "Wow. Really?"

Parent: "Yes, he has to put on chap stick all day long, so he couldn't come to school today."

Me: "..............Alright then."


The above is a true and accurate story, because really...you can't make this shit up.

On friendly terms

The Truth According to Me

Day 2 (of 30ish)

Things I love
I have two friends that I cherish most of all. One I have known since we were obnoxious teenage rebels. The other I have been blessed to know for only a few years. I don't know how I would make it through the day without either of them. Rather than reward you with the pleasure of both their company at once, I'm going to tell you about one, but save the other for later. Bwah ha ha ha ha....

I love my friend Tracy.
I love that she says "Fuck" All. The. Time.
I love that she is fiercely loyal
I love that sees the good in people (even if there isn't any)
I love that her family comes first
I love that she teases and gets teased by The Mr.
I love that she says it the way it is
I love that she has tattoos
I love that she calls me up to go out on dates
I love that we can sit out in the neighborhood, drinking and swearing and it's a damn good time
I love that she is going to be an amazing nurse
I love that she would kick someones ass for me
I love that I can call her up and cry or rage or whine like a little girl
I love that she uses words like "Ding-a-ling"

I have often wondered how I made it through life until I met her. She is an example of a true friend and I think she's just swell ♥

I which I tell you how it is

So, I've been thinking about the 30 Days of Truth that Weltha Jane is doing over on her bloggy blog, and I have decided to do something about it. Now, as much as I think the 30 Days that Her Highness is doing over there is completely awesome, I'm going to do mine a little different. Why? Because I can.

So, play along if you like and hang on tight.

The Truth According to Me

Day 1 (of 30ish)

Things I Love
My pastor (who is absolutely amazing by the way) spoke once about how we as people overuse the word LOVE. I never really thought about it before, but he is right in a big way. Think about it...I LOVE coffee. I LOVE my boots. I LOVE Artichoke Cappellini. Do I really love those things? Probably not. Since hearing this message from him, I have made an effort to curb my use of the word Love, in order to preserve its precious meaning. As part of this Truth series, I was thinking about things that I truly love and why I love them.

I love my husband. Now, you might be thinking, "Well of course she loves her husband. What a dumbass." But seriously folks, think about how many people don't love their spouse. I can truly say that I love this man. He makes me absolutely furious as times and sometimes, I can't stand the sight of his face, but that does not change the fact that I love him. It's been 17 years and my heart still flutters for him and I'll tell you why.

I love that he works like a madman in order to provide for his family
I love that he doesn't give me a hard time when I go out and play with my girlfriends
I love that when Zippy was a little girl and was obsessed with the movie Shrek, especially the wedding scene, The Mr. let her "marry" him over and over and over...
I love that he puts me and the girls first. Always.
I love that he looks at home and gardening magazines and books with me and tries really hard not to fall asleep
I love that he cheers me on when I get frustrated and exhausted with school.
I love that he will defend me to anyone, anytime, anyplace
I love that he loves me whether I'm fat or thin
I love that whenever I leave the house, he asks me, "Do you need money?"
I love that he will play games with the girls and I

He is not a perfect man and we have had our share of fuck-ups, but you know what? At the end of the day, those don't matter. What matters is that we made it through another day and tomorrow, we will choose to do it again.

Roy G Biv

I was thinking the other day about women who have a "Signature Color". How does that sort of thing come about? Do you wake up one day and decide that fuchsia will be your color? Does someone tell you one day that purple looks great on you and then that's all you wear? Are you pre-disposed at birth?

I could completely see myself, in all my rebellious glory, deciding one day that I was only going to wear the color green. Then I would refuse to try on, buy, borrow or steal clothing of any other color. That would have frustrated my mother to no end. Dammit, a great idea too late in the game. That's okay, never fear...I have decided that my Signature Color will be black. And gray. And white. And sometimes purple. And on the weekends, I want it to be green.

That wasn't so hard after all.