"Are you doubting yourself again?"
This is what my boss said to me yesterday as I pow-wowed with my favorite co-worker of all time. I was working on a project. A large, complex and highly obnoxious project. Now, remember, I love my job. I do! I love waking up every morning because I get to work/play with people that I admire, respect and best of, like. My work family, they're the best.
But, "Are you doubting yourself again?"
It really got me thinking. At that moment, I wasn't doubting myself, I was just working through some details. So, yay me! But he was right, I doubt myself.
I doubt myself.
And inevitably, that doubt grows teeth and claws and morphs into a ravaging beast. Or, as it's better known, worry.
I worry that I'm a bad wife. I worry that I am too critical of my husband. Or that I'm not affectionate enough. Or that I exclude him or ignore him. I worry that I'm selfish and petty. I worry that I'm not beautiful enough.
I worry that I'm an awful friend. I'm pretty sure that I have a tendency to be a hermit. I worry that I don't contribute to my friendships. I worry that I'm a one-way street. I worry that I either say too much or too little. I worry that I don't reach out or that I don't see others reaching out to me.
I worry about being a lame-ass employee. I worry that I'm too sarcastic and mouthy. I worry that I don't do enough. Or that I do too much. I worry that I have a tendency to react, not act.
But most of all, I worry that I'm a terrible mom. Am I too strict or not strict enough? I worry that I'm mean-spirited and am teaching my girls to be mean-spirited. I worry that I'm completely inappropriate and rude. I worry that I put too much pressure on them or expect too much. I worry that my standards are too high. I worry that I model a horrible human being and am influencing them to be the same. I worry that I say too much or not enough. I'm sure I yell too much. I worry that I can't find the balance between smothering them and giving them their space.I think I need them too much and that I don't want them to have their secrets. I worry that I'm too nosy. I worry that I just suck.
I think, as women, we are naturally inclined to worry. We worry and we "mother" and we tend to those around us. Even if they don't want us to. Even if we aren't good at it. Is it because we are biologically and chemically wired to do so? Is it because that's the role that society tells us we have to play? Is it because our brains never shut up? NEVER. SHUT. UP. In trying to shut our brains up, do we fill our lives completely and stay busy, busy, busy?
I swore I would never be my mother. She's a great woman, don't get me wrong. But she is non-confrontational and I think that leads her to be taken advantage of. Before you get a mental picture, let me set the stage. My mom taught Kindergarten for 25 years. She was an amazing teacher. People placed their kids on lists to get into her class. Her students loved her and she loved her students. By the time she retired, she was teaching second and third generations of some of her original students. She is well known and well-loved by her peers, her students and her community. If I knew what was good for me, I would aspire to be like her. But I don't and I'll tell you why. She's under appreciated by the man who should cherish her as the most precious thing he could possibly get his hands on. But most horribly, she was under appreciated and not respected by someone who should have known better. Me. It's true, I didn't respect her. I thought she was ignorant and oblivious. I didn't ask for or graciously receive advice or direction from her. I separated myself from my family and shut them out of my life. I was a bitch. A rotten, selfish, nasty bitch.
So, I decided that wouldn't happen in my house. I was involved early on with the girls. I knew their friends. I spent time with them. A lot of time. As much as I could. I still do! I asked tough questions. Seriously, it isn't unheard of for me to ask things like, "So, are you having sex?" "Are you you doing drugs?" "Have you tried alcohol". Out of the blue and totally unexpected. I'm not afraid to ask the questions and have uncomfortable conversations. It's far more likely for the girls to be embarrassed by hard questions than me.
But in the midst of these teen years, I find myself constantly second guessing decisions and things I say. I worry that I'm saying too much of the wrong thing and not enough of the right thing.
I doubt myself.
What's the solution? Is there one? Am I alone? How do I be a better wife, mom, friend? A better person?
Anyone?
Showing posts with label Great Ponderings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Great Ponderings. Show all posts
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Monday, January 6, 2014
The future looms
Today, a rare and wonderful thing has happened. I am at home. Alone. Ahhh, bliss. The minions went back to school this morning, and I don't mind telling you that 6:00 am came horrifically early. I, however, don't have to return to work until Wednesday. Wednesday! As of this minute, I have had my coffee, taken a nap, showered and folded some laundry. I have a list a mile long of things I need to do, but fully intend to do as little as possible for the remainder of the day.
My day of luxury did get me thinking...what in the world am I going to do with myself when my girls are gone? I do work and I have a small circle of friends, but will that really fill my time? I highly doubt it. The Mr. works all the time and my family doesn't live close by, so who am I going to play with?
Apparently, I need some more hobbies...
I'll start a list:
Things I like to do that may possibly fill my hours when I become alone and crotchety
I like to read. However, this is a solitary endeavor.
Blogging. Again, best done alone.
I am a gamer. Did you know? Don't worry, the girls didn't suspect it either. Sadly, this is another activity that doesn't require company.
I love Disneyland. Maybe, I could move there and play with the guests every day.
Traveling makes me happy. I better start saving my money, yeah?
I am a fan of volunteering, but one can't volunteer every spare hour...right?
I like taking pictures. Maybe, I'll take some photography classes.
I also want to finish a book (at some point). Maybe I'll take some creative writing/publishing classes.
That's really all I've got... Not very encouraging, is it?
*sigh*
My day of luxury did get me thinking...what in the world am I going to do with myself when my girls are gone? I do work and I have a small circle of friends, but will that really fill my time? I highly doubt it. The Mr. works all the time and my family doesn't live close by, so who am I going to play with?
Apparently, I need some more hobbies...
I'll start a list:
Things I like to do that may possibly fill my hours when I become alone and crotchety
I like to read. However, this is a solitary endeavor.
Blogging. Again, best done alone.
I am a gamer. Did you know? Don't worry, the girls didn't suspect it either. Sadly, this is another activity that doesn't require company.
I love Disneyland. Maybe, I could move there and play with the guests every day.
Traveling makes me happy. I better start saving my money, yeah?
I am a fan of volunteering, but one can't volunteer every spare hour...right?
I like taking pictures. Maybe, I'll take some photography classes.
I also want to finish a book (at some point). Maybe I'll take some creative writing/publishing classes.
That's really all I've got... Not very encouraging, is it?
*sigh*
Sunday, January 5, 2014
An open letter to bullies and jackasses
There seems to be a new behavior in the online world. Well, okay, it's not new. Maybe social media is just taking it to a new level. People have a constant and driving need to educate other people. Specifically, those who have different ideas or beliefs. Have you noticed? It's everyfuckingwhere.
Let's say, I post something like... Coffee is best served hot.
Then, I wax prolific about how the steam is best inhaled at a 45 degree angle through the right nostril. And how one should hold the mug with the left hand over the right. Then, perhaps, I might post a picture of a coffee cup with steam rising out of it (because, let's face it, a coffee mug is really hard to picture in your mind's eye).
The next thing I know, 25 people have agreed and shared stories of their own coffee drinking adventures. 17 people have like my photo and said, "Lol". And then the educators arrive.
Clearly, I don't know which coffee is best. I haven't added the right amount of creamer. The coffee should always be made with a press and for God's sake, don't defile that shit with sugar.
Well, it's a damn good thing they were there to educate me. Where have they been my entire life while I was drinking coffee incorrectly? And who the fuck do I think I am claiming to know anything about coffee?
Now, I'm hoping you have seen through my clever little example to realize that I'm not talking about drinking a fucking cup of coffee. I'm talking about real ideas. Real beliefs. Things like faith and politics and lifestyle choices. Things like immunizations and raising your children.
If I think or believe differently that you do, that's not an invitation for you to "educate" me. Seriously. Now, don't get be wrong, I really enjoy hearing different points of views and experiences. That's how we learn and grow as a society. Listening with respect and appreciating another view or experience. But, you're not welcome to try and show me the error of my ways and set me on the "right" path. You are also not welcome to make rude or condescending remarks about ignorance and stupidity in people that don't happen to agree with you.
If you think I'm stupid, you are free to do so. In the quiet of your own mind and the confines of your own home. You can think it. You can think it whilst talking to me. You can imagine all the ways I'm wrong and roll your eyes (to yourself). But the moment a condescending remark passes your lips or streams through your fingertips, you have transformed from a regular person to a douche bag. And no one appreciates a douche bag. I can't count how many times I've seen or heard people like this whine about how hard it is to talk to "ignorant" people. Define ignorance. Maybe stop a moment and think that perhaps you're the "ignorant" one and that it's nearly impossible to talk to you.
So, for those of you that are hell bent on straightening everyone else out (you know who you are), I say this, the fastest way to alienate people is to treat them like they're stupid or ignorant. How about this, be willing to engage in an intelligent conversation and don't judge. Be open to new ideas or thoughts. And lest you become frightened at the thought of new ideas, remember that just because you gain knowledge or another faith or political standpoint, it doesn't automatically "convert" you to that "side". And if that is just too much for you to handle, stay on your side of the fence, I have no interest in cluttering up my life with bullies and naysayers.
Let's say, I post something like... Coffee is best served hot.
Then, I wax prolific about how the steam is best inhaled at a 45 degree angle through the right nostril. And how one should hold the mug with the left hand over the right. Then, perhaps, I might post a picture of a coffee cup with steam rising out of it (because, let's face it, a coffee mug is really hard to picture in your mind's eye).
The next thing I know, 25 people have agreed and shared stories of their own coffee drinking adventures. 17 people have like my photo and said, "Lol". And then the educators arrive.
Clearly, I don't know which coffee is best. I haven't added the right amount of creamer. The coffee should always be made with a press and for God's sake, don't defile that shit with sugar.
Well, it's a damn good thing they were there to educate me. Where have they been my entire life while I was drinking coffee incorrectly? And who the fuck do I think I am claiming to know anything about coffee?
Now, I'm hoping you have seen through my clever little example to realize that I'm not talking about drinking a fucking cup of coffee. I'm talking about real ideas. Real beliefs. Things like faith and politics and lifestyle choices. Things like immunizations and raising your children.
If I think or believe differently that you do, that's not an invitation for you to "educate" me. Seriously. Now, don't get be wrong, I really enjoy hearing different points of views and experiences. That's how we learn and grow as a society. Listening with respect and appreciating another view or experience. But, you're not welcome to try and show me the error of my ways and set me on the "right" path. You are also not welcome to make rude or condescending remarks about ignorance and stupidity in people that don't happen to agree with you.
If you think I'm stupid, you are free to do so. In the quiet of your own mind and the confines of your own home. You can think it. You can think it whilst talking to me. You can imagine all the ways I'm wrong and roll your eyes (to yourself). But the moment a condescending remark passes your lips or streams through your fingertips, you have transformed from a regular person to a douche bag. And no one appreciates a douche bag. I can't count how many times I've seen or heard people like this whine about how hard it is to talk to "ignorant" people. Define ignorance. Maybe stop a moment and think that perhaps you're the "ignorant" one and that it's nearly impossible to talk to you.
So, for those of you that are hell bent on straightening everyone else out (you know who you are), I say this, the fastest way to alienate people is to treat them like they're stupid or ignorant. How about this, be willing to engage in an intelligent conversation and don't judge. Be open to new ideas or thoughts. And lest you become frightened at the thought of new ideas, remember that just because you gain knowledge or another faith or political standpoint, it doesn't automatically "convert" you to that "side". And if that is just too much for you to handle, stay on your side of the fence, I have no interest in cluttering up my life with bullies and naysayers.
Monday, August 5, 2013
Saturday, March 2, 2013
I bend, but I don't break
Do you remember the part in "The Matrix", where Neo fights Mr. Smith for the first time? Mr. Smith is beating the living hell out of him and Neo gets smacked around and knocked down over and over. Then, the turning point...Neo gets up, shakes the dust off and motions for Mr. Smith to bring it on. Because I like you, I have provided the video. Feel free to forward it to about 1:50 and watch the part I mentioned. I'll wait.
Super terrific, right? Well, that's me. Neo's me. Life has beaten the hell out of me lately and for awhile I just let it. But then, I remembered that not only am I not the type of person that is easily beaten down, I'm not the type of person that stays down after a beating. I always get up. Always.
So, I got up. I shook off the dust and said, "Bring it the fuck on."
I did, however make some changes. It's funny how a beating makes you reevaluate your life and remember what's important and what's just junk. Technically, I'm back on Facebook but I have zero interest in it. Perhaps that will change with time, perhaps not. So, if I don't respond to a comment, it's not because I'm being bitchy, I probably didn't see it.
Also, I made the decision to be done with school. I applied for graduation and will be taking part in commencement ceremonies in May. I took a long, hard look at what I was doing and realized that I was trying to be something I'm not and have no desire to be. I thought I was supposed to "be someone". Nearly everyone I know is "something"...a teacher, a nurse, an administrator, an attorney. I thought I was supposed to do that too. I was supposed to finish school so I could be "something". It took a 2x4 to the face for me to realize that I already am the thing I want most in the world to be.
I'm a mom.
I'm a Full-Time Mom and I am not ashamed of that. I'm a mom who is privileged to be home when the kids are home. To volunteer in their classrooms or go on field trips. I know their friends because I'm either at their school every day or their friends are at my house. I'm a mom who doubles as a taxi service for the two of them and however many additional kids I can fit in the car. And you know what? I like it. I like that their friends call me Mom and talk to me about stuff. So, instead of torturing myself through 2 more math classes and then transferring to a UC to complete my Bachelor's, I'm going to finish earning my AA and then I'm going to be completely satisfied with it.
I'm going to continue being a mom and enjoy it without the pressure of being in school all the fucking time. I'm going to help run our business so that my husband can stop working 10-12 hours a day, 6 days a week. I'm going to take care of my house so that it's a calm, safe, happy place for whoever walks through my door, I'm going to write. As in, write a book.
It's funny, all these years I thought I needed to be more and it turns out, I just needed to be me. And when I finally gave myself permission to do that, the world lifted off my shoulders and I could breathe again.
There are still some scary, ugly things I have to get in order and things are in motion to do so. It might not all turn out beautifully, but that's okay. In the Dark Days that may be ahead, I will remind myself that I can do this. I can Stand Fast. I will not break and if I fall, I will get up. I am Neo.
So, I got up. I shook off the dust and said, "Bring it the fuck on."
I did, however make some changes. It's funny how a beating makes you reevaluate your life and remember what's important and what's just junk. Technically, I'm back on Facebook but I have zero interest in it. Perhaps that will change with time, perhaps not. So, if I don't respond to a comment, it's not because I'm being bitchy, I probably didn't see it.
Also, I made the decision to be done with school. I applied for graduation and will be taking part in commencement ceremonies in May. I took a long, hard look at what I was doing and realized that I was trying to be something I'm not and have no desire to be. I thought I was supposed to "be someone". Nearly everyone I know is "something"...a teacher, a nurse, an administrator, an attorney. I thought I was supposed to do that too. I was supposed to finish school so I could be "something". It took a 2x4 to the face for me to realize that I already am the thing I want most in the world to be.
I'm a mom.
I'm a Full-Time Mom and I am not ashamed of that. I'm a mom who is privileged to be home when the kids are home. To volunteer in their classrooms or go on field trips. I know their friends because I'm either at their school every day or their friends are at my house. I'm a mom who doubles as a taxi service for the two of them and however many additional kids I can fit in the car. And you know what? I like it. I like that their friends call me Mom and talk to me about stuff. So, instead of torturing myself through 2 more math classes and then transferring to a UC to complete my Bachelor's, I'm going to finish earning my AA and then I'm going to be completely satisfied with it.
I'm going to continue being a mom and enjoy it without the pressure of being in school all the fucking time. I'm going to help run our business so that my husband can stop working 10-12 hours a day, 6 days a week. I'm going to take care of my house so that it's a calm, safe, happy place for whoever walks through my door, I'm going to write. As in, write a book.
It's funny, all these years I thought I needed to be more and it turns out, I just needed to be me. And when I finally gave myself permission to do that, the world lifted off my shoulders and I could breathe again.
There are still some scary, ugly things I have to get in order and things are in motion to do so. It might not all turn out beautifully, but that's okay. In the Dark Days that may be ahead, I will remind myself that I can do this. I can Stand Fast. I will not break and if I fall, I will get up. I am Neo.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Ants, laundry and being thankful
I have been waging a great battle. Seriously, I am currently engaged with a vast and menacing army and I don't think I'm winning. The Great Ant Battle is currently underway in my house. Ants makes me homicidal. True story. As of right now, my kitchen is torn apart because there were ants in my butter dish, on the dishes, the paper towels and in the silverware drawer. They are also hanging out in the bathrooms and wandering around Little Bit's dresser. Why they were crawling all over the extra paper towels and trooping across the top of the dresser, I'll never know. Hey, I never said ants were smart.
Anyway...
Like I said, ants makes me homicidal and being homicidal is pretty much a negative thing. As I was thinking about my blog today, I thought...I'm going to blog about the stupid ants! That will show the little bastards! But then, I remembered that ants don't have access to the internet and even if they did, I'm pretty sure they can't read.
Sooo.....
I decided to go against my deepest, darkest feelings and blog about things I'm thankful for.
Ready?
I am thankful for ants in my butter...because this means I have food in my kitchen.
I am thankful for a broken dishwasher...because this means I have dirty plates due to my kids getting to eat every day.
I am thankful for ants in the bathrooms...because this means we have indoor plumbing.
I am thankful for bills...because this means my family has a roof over our heads.
I am thankful for piles of laundry...because this means that my family has clothes on their backs.
I am thankful the stupid signs my neighbor puts in her yard...because this means our neighborhood is a safe place for kids to hang out and play.
I am thankful for ridiculous gas prices...because this means I have a car to put gas into.
I am thankful for the obscene cell phone bill my daughter ran up...because this means she has dear friends to talk to.
I am thankful for my alarm clock...because this means I have purpose every day.
I am thankful my husband works 6 days a week...because this means my family is provided for.
Did you see what I did there? Normally, I would just bitch, bitch, bitch about this stuff. But today, today, I choose joy and thankfulness.
Anyway...
Like I said, ants makes me homicidal and being homicidal is pretty much a negative thing. As I was thinking about my blog today, I thought...I'm going to blog about the stupid ants! That will show the little bastards! But then, I remembered that ants don't have access to the internet and even if they did, I'm pretty sure they can't read.
Sooo.....
I decided to go against my deepest, darkest feelings and blog about things I'm thankful for.
Ready?
I am thankful for ants in my butter...because this means I have food in my kitchen.
I am thankful for a broken dishwasher...because this means I have dirty plates due to my kids getting to eat every day.
I am thankful for ants in the bathrooms...because this means we have indoor plumbing.
I am thankful for bills...because this means my family has a roof over our heads.
I am thankful for piles of laundry...because this means that my family has clothes on their backs.
I am thankful the stupid signs my neighbor puts in her yard...because this means our neighborhood is a safe place for kids to hang out and play.
I am thankful for ridiculous gas prices...because this means I have a car to put gas into.
I am thankful for the obscene cell phone bill my daughter ran up...because this means she has dear friends to talk to.
I am thankful for my alarm clock...because this means I have purpose every day.
I am thankful my husband works 6 days a week...because this means my family is provided for.
Did you see what I did there? Normally, I would just bitch, bitch, bitch about this stuff. But today, today, I choose joy and thankfulness.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
In which we Journal
I'm not sure how many of you have discovered Pinterest. For those of you that have, you know of its greatness and for those of you who haven't...well, either stay in the dark about it or be ready for an instant addiction!
On the down side, I am now guilty of spending a HUGE amount of time pinning and re-pinning. Huge, I tell you. I'm not even going to admit how much time I spend on there because it's almost embarrassing.
On the upside, I have tried several recipes and made several crafts from the site. I have plenty more to try but in the meantime, I'm going to let you peek at one of my favorites so far.
On the inside, I needed to cover the name, address, phone number, subject stuff. I typed up a little something, cut it down to size, then glued it in. This is what it says...
On the down side, I am now guilty of spending a HUGE amount of time pinning and re-pinning. Huge, I tell you. I'm not even going to admit how much time I spend on there because it's almost embarrassing.
On the upside, I have tried several recipes and made several crafts from the site. I have plenty more to try but in the meantime, I'm going to let you peek at one of my favorites so far.
I went to the Dollar Store and bought a composition book, whipped out some pretty scrapbook paper and cut it with some pretty scissors. Then I stenciled "you & me" and attached it to the front of the book (I used photo squares).
On the inside, I needed to cover the name, address, phone number, subject stuff. I typed up a little something, cut it down to size, then glued it in. This is what it says...
You and Me
These pages are a safe place to talk with me about anything.
Anything under the sun...
Happy thoughts
Angry thoughts
Curious thoughts
Scared thoughts
Frustrated thoughts
Dreamy thoughts
Sometimes it's hard to speak our thoughts and sometimes it's hard to find the right thing to say. Here, you can write to me anytime you want to and I will always answer.
No matter what words we might say or write to each other, always remember the most important words of all...
I LOVE YOU
I now have a journal with both my girls and I have to say, the things my 13 year old has written to me are both heartbreaking and priceless.
Heartbreaking because I remember feeling the way she feels now...Middle School sucks. Priceless because sometimes I feel that I'm doing a shitty job as a mom and it gives me great encouragement to hear that she thinks I'm pretty fine.
Composition book $1.00
Time spent creating journal 20 minutes
The opportunity to have open dialogue with my girls...Priceless.
Monday, November 7, 2011
And so it goes
So, I was thinking the other day...
Wouldn't it be funny if...
I was driving to school and I saw...
..
.......
Fuckity fuck. I've got nothin'.
Wouldn't it be funny if...
I was driving to school and I saw...
..
.......
Fuckity fuck. I've got nothin'.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Decisions, decisions
I'm having a hard time right now. There are some hard decisions that I have to make and to be quite honest...I don't want to make them. Seriously, I NEVER want people to tell me what to do, but I would welcome some bossy moo-cow into my life right now for the sole purpose of telling me what to do because I can't see things clearly enough to decide for myself.
*sigh*
*sigh*
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Hey Snooks...
You know what I don't get? The public's fascination with Snooki. It seems like every time I turn around, she's being talked about. People discuss what she's wearing, who she's sleeping with...uh, the book(s) she wrote??? WTF? Apparently, she's not as dumb as I think she is (actually, I'm really quite sure she's not all that smart), she just plays one on TV. Seriously, she told Matt Lauer, "I think [on the show] you see more of like, the party side of me, which I call Snooki. It's kind of my alter ego," she explained. "That's what you see on the show, but right now you are talking to Nicole. It's like the soft, calm, business-ready person.". Really? You're so smart and business minded that you...what, need an alter ego so people aren't intimidated by you? So that they will appreciate your funny, party side and not just see you for a "business girl"? Huh. Sure, that makes sense. Throw them off the business scent with your ridiculous hair, pouty kissy face and exposed boobs. That will make the think twice before they take you serious again!
Let's review...
This is what we are talking about...
Not, oh I don't know...curing cancer, stopping domestic violence, saving our fragile earth. Nope, we're talking about Snooki.
This.
Oh, the humanity.
Let's review...
This is what we are talking about...
Not, oh I don't know...curing cancer, stopping domestic violence, saving our fragile earth. Nope, we're talking about Snooki.
This.
Oh, the humanity.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Friday, October 7, 2011
In which I share my talent
I am soo talented. Seriously, my talent is unrivaled. Observe...
I never fail to choose the one bathroom stall in the ENTIRE bathroom that has just been used to make an incredibly malodorous deposit. True story.
I am also quite adept at picking the shopping cart that has 3 squeaky/rusted/misaligned/missing wheels. Or, I consistently find every single microscopic piece of debris in the store and proceed to roll over it, rendering my one good wheel completely immobile.
When I do finally make it to the check out line, I attempt to employ my keen wit and wisdom in choosing which line is best for me. All I can say is this - It's a good thing I didn't have many birth control options back in the day because if I chose birth control like I choose check out lines, I would not only ALWAYS be waiting in the longest line ever, I would be doing so with a shitload of kids.
I have a knack for standing/walking/sitting/being breathed upon by the one person in a 15 mile radius that has chosen to not shower, brush their teeth or apply deodorant.
See? Told you. Talent...I have it.
I never fail to choose the one bathroom stall in the ENTIRE bathroom that has just been used to make an incredibly malodorous deposit. True story.
I am also quite adept at picking the shopping cart that has 3 squeaky/rusted/misaligned/missing wheels. Or, I consistently find every single microscopic piece of debris in the store and proceed to roll over it, rendering my one good wheel completely immobile.
When I do finally make it to the check out line, I attempt to employ my keen wit and wisdom in choosing which line is best for me. All I can say is this - It's a good thing I didn't have many birth control options back in the day because if I chose birth control like I choose check out lines, I would not only ALWAYS be waiting in the longest line ever, I would be doing so with a shitload of kids.
I have a knack for standing/walking/sitting/being breathed upon by the one person in a 15 mile radius that has chosen to not shower, brush their teeth or apply deodorant.
See? Told you. Talent...I have it.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Speak!
Words are pretty nifty things, don't you think? I mean, I don't like words like homework, vomit, taxes, cancer...words like that. But on the whole, words are way cool, right?
I was thinking the other day about words that I especially like. Of course, that sort of thinking brings me to a list. Why? I LOVE lists!!
Words I like:
I was thinking the other day about words that I especially like. Of course, that sort of thinking brings me to a list. Why? I LOVE lists!!
Words I like:
- Chortle - This just sounds fun, don't you think?
- Martini - Think of all the ways you can describe this...Shaken, stirred, dirty, dry, olive, no olive!
- Snafu - Now I wonder, is this really and truly a word? An official word? I really don't care either way, just wondering...
- Mrs. Nezbit - Okay, okay...I know this is a) two words and b) technically, not really a word at all, but really, is there a cooler sounding name? I think not.
- Fritter - As in, "He frittered away all his money". Doesn't this sound so much better than "wasted"?
- Hankering - I would rather have a hankering for something rather than a mere craving. If you're craving something, I imagine a drooling, wild-eyed mess. Whereas, when you have a hankering for something, you could be roping cows and shearing sheep while wishing you had something! This sounds much more exciting.
- Porcupine - No reason, really...I just like the way it sounds. ;)
Thursday, September 29, 2011
The List
Apparently, I'm at a point in my life where I'm examining events and choices I have made in the past...This brings me to a new list.
Let's call this one, "Things I would do differently" or :Stupid decisions that I can't take back". Either way.
1. I would have worn sunblock and stayed out of the sun. Seriously folks...Cancer sucks (I don't have it, but I still know it sucks.)
2. I would have actually paid attention and put an effort into school. Instead I did awesome things like, setting the classroom on fire, throwing things, writing notes, daydreaming, ditching...you name it.
3. I would have learned how to sew and cook. I taught myself to cook and that has come in pretty handy. Sewing...I don't have as close of a relationship with this one, but I would love to rectify that.
4. I wouldn't have gotten involved in drugs and alcohol. There are whole years I don't remember, thanks to my escapades.
5. I wouldn't have gotten married at 19. I would still have married The Mr., but later :)
6. I would have finished college the first time around because I gotta tell you...going back to school at 30 is no bueno. No bueno at all.
7. I would have dated more. Now, before you jump on me, let me 'splain. I would not have had more boyfriends, I would have dated more. You know, dinner, movie...Seriously, I think it's important to date, otherwise how are you going to know what you like or don't like??
8. I would have moved away from my family. Not because I don't love them, but because I think we gain a certain amount of maturity and wisdom when we live away from our safety net.
I'm sure there is more that I could add to this list. But I wont.
Let's call this one, "Things I would do differently" or :Stupid decisions that I can't take back". Either way.
1. I would have worn sunblock and stayed out of the sun. Seriously folks...Cancer sucks (I don't have it, but I still know it sucks.)
2. I would have actually paid attention and put an effort into school. Instead I did awesome things like, setting the classroom on fire, throwing things, writing notes, daydreaming, ditching...you name it.
3. I would have learned how to sew and cook. I taught myself to cook and that has come in pretty handy. Sewing...I don't have as close of a relationship with this one, but I would love to rectify that.
4. I wouldn't have gotten involved in drugs and alcohol. There are whole years I don't remember, thanks to my escapades.
5. I wouldn't have gotten married at 19. I would still have married The Mr., but later :)
6. I would have finished college the first time around because I gotta tell you...going back to school at 30 is no bueno. No bueno at all.
7. I would have dated more. Now, before you jump on me, let me 'splain. I would not have had more boyfriends, I would have dated more. You know, dinner, movie...Seriously, I think it's important to date, otherwise how are you going to know what you like or don't like??
8. I would have moved away from my family. Not because I don't love them, but because I think we gain a certain amount of maturity and wisdom when we live away from our safety net.
I'm sure there is more that I could add to this list. But I wont.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Coffee, school and aliens
I think there's something wrong with my kids.
This morning, they were all ready for school but we still had about 10 minutes before we needed to leave. I decided to use this time wisely and by wisely I mean sitting down with my book and a cup of coffee. Right before I sat down, Zippy went to the front door and said, "Can we leave now?". No, mom needs coffee and her book.
I sat down, opened my book, breathed in the delicious, life-changing elixir of fresh coffee...
"Can we leave NOW?"
Really? I can't sit for 5 minutes and drink my coffee? Come on! It's bad enough they were hassling me but they were hassling me in order to go to school. Early! Who does this??
I never wanted to go to school. I dreamed up all kinds of reasons why I shouldn't have to go to school. But oh no, not my children. My children not only want to go, they want to go early. These same children wanted to leave Disneyland so they could go back to school. Kid. You. Not.
Disneyland.
So, the logical conclusion I have arrived at is
a) There's something wrong with them
or
b) They are, in fact, aliens.
I'm going with "b"
This morning, they were all ready for school but we still had about 10 minutes before we needed to leave. I decided to use this time wisely and by wisely I mean sitting down with my book and a cup of coffee. Right before I sat down, Zippy went to the front door and said, "Can we leave now?". No, mom needs coffee and her book.
I sat down, opened my book, breathed in the delicious, life-changing elixir of fresh coffee...
"Can we leave NOW?"
Really? I can't sit for 5 minutes and drink my coffee? Come on! It's bad enough they were hassling me but they were hassling me in order to go to school. Early! Who does this??
I never wanted to go to school. I dreamed up all kinds of reasons why I shouldn't have to go to school. But oh no, not my children. My children not only want to go, they want to go early. These same children wanted to leave Disneyland so they could go back to school. Kid. You. Not.
Disneyland.
So, the logical conclusion I have arrived at is
a) There's something wrong with them
or
b) They are, in fact, aliens.
I'm going with "b"
Friday, September 2, 2011
In which I engage an automated phone system
I wonder, is it normal to engage in an argument with an automated phone system?
No?
Dammit.
I called a financial institution this morning, not my favorite thing to do. I was immediately greeted with a female voice that was a) too damn chipper and b) probably meant to be soothing but never fails to sound like nails on a chalkboard to me. Let's reminisce, shall we?
Bank voice (Let's call her Myrtle): Tell me, why are you calling today?
Me: Operator
Myrtle: Iiittt sounds like you want to speak with a representative, is that correct?
Me: Yes.
Myrtle: In order to direct your call, I need to know why you're calling.
Me: Gah! Alright, payments.
Myrtle: Alright (BTW, she sounds like I'm her new best friend and she's sooooo glad she's helping me), would you like to hear about your last payment?
Me: No.
Myrtle: Hmmm (shit you not, she says hmmm), tell me, why are you calling?
Me: Operator!
........................
This is when we repeat the entire first section of the conversation not once but twice while I angrily press "0" repeatedly.
Myrtle: Iiittt sounds like you want to speak with a representative, is that correct?
Me: Yes! Dumbass phone system.
Myrtle: I'm sorry, I couldn't quite catch that. Would you like to speak to a representative?
Me: DUH!!!!! YES!!!!!
I finally got who I needed and was able to chew out the appropriate person (yay me!). But it left me wondering, what does it say about me that I willingly engaged with an automated system that couldn't care less what I say and furthermore won't be properly chagrined after I fix her wagon?
Nothing good, I bet.
No?
Dammit.
I called a financial institution this morning, not my favorite thing to do. I was immediately greeted with a female voice that was a) too damn chipper and b) probably meant to be soothing but never fails to sound like nails on a chalkboard to me. Let's reminisce, shall we?
Bank voice (Let's call her Myrtle): Tell me, why are you calling today?
Me: Operator
Myrtle: Iiittt sounds like you want to speak with a representative, is that correct?
Me: Yes.
Myrtle: In order to direct your call, I need to know why you're calling.
Me: Gah! Alright, payments.
Myrtle: Alright (BTW, she sounds like I'm her new best friend and she's sooooo glad she's helping me), would you like to hear about your last payment?
Me: No.
Myrtle: Hmmm (shit you not, she says hmmm), tell me, why are you calling?
Me: Operator!
........................
This is when we repeat the entire first section of the conversation not once but twice while I angrily press "0" repeatedly.
Myrtle: Iiittt sounds like you want to speak with a representative, is that correct?
Me: Yes! Dumbass phone system.
Myrtle: I'm sorry, I couldn't quite catch that. Would you like to speak to a representative?
Me: DUH!!!!! YES!!!!!
I finally got who I needed and was able to chew out the appropriate person (yay me!). But it left me wondering, what does it say about me that I willingly engaged with an automated system that couldn't care less what I say and furthermore won't be properly chagrined after I fix her wagon?
Nothing good, I bet.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
In which I ponder great things
Day 9 (of 30ish)
What's my word?
I was watching Eat, Pray, Love the other day. Can I just say that I LOVE Julia Roberts? Anyway, in one of the scenes, she was talking with friends and they were talking about Rome. One of the friends said that the word for Rome was SEX and New York was ACHIEVE and so on. Then Julia's character, Elizabeth is asked, "What's your word?" Her response..."Now that, I definitely could not answer."
I know how she felt.
What's my word?
Is it Mom? Or Wife? Or daughter or sister? Is it friend or student or confidante?
These all describe what I am, but not WHO I am. I have often wondered who I really am and what my purpose is. Sure, I'm a wife and a mom and I LOVE every single day. But in the grand scheme of things, who am I? What am I good at, what's my talent?
Sometimes, when I get caught up in this way of thinking, I have to stop and tell myself that what I do every day is important even if it doesn't feel like it. I know, I know...I'm important, I'm worth something, blah, blah, blah. I know I'm not completely useless.
But haven't you ever wondered where your true talent lies? Or are you one of those lucky few that has found your great love and gets to live it every day?
*sighs*
Maybe I should just pick one out of a hat...
EXTREME
SATISFIED
WAITING
SEEKING
Maybe one of these days, I will wake up and realize what I'm meant to be doing. Or maybe I will happen upon an event that will re-shape my life. Or maybe I won't and I will be left wondering...What's my word?
What's my word?
I was watching Eat, Pray, Love the other day. Can I just say that I LOVE Julia Roberts? Anyway, in one of the scenes, she was talking with friends and they were talking about Rome. One of the friends said that the word for Rome was SEX and New York was ACHIEVE and so on. Then Julia's character, Elizabeth is asked, "What's your word?" Her response..."Now that, I definitely could not answer."
I know how she felt.
What's my word?
Is it Mom? Or Wife? Or daughter or sister? Is it friend or student or confidante?
These all describe what I am, but not WHO I am. I have often wondered who I really am and what my purpose is. Sure, I'm a wife and a mom and I LOVE every single day. But in the grand scheme of things, who am I? What am I good at, what's my talent?
Sometimes, when I get caught up in this way of thinking, I have to stop and tell myself that what I do every day is important even if it doesn't feel like it. I know, I know...I'm important, I'm worth something, blah, blah, blah. I know I'm not completely useless.
But haven't you ever wondered where your true talent lies? Or are you one of those lucky few that has found your great love and gets to live it every day?
*sighs*
Maybe I should just pick one out of a hat...
EXTREME
SATISFIED
WAITING
SEEKING
Maybe one of these days, I will wake up and realize what I'm meant to be doing. Or maybe I will happen upon an event that will re-shape my life. Or maybe I won't and I will be left wondering...What's my word?
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