Did you know that? Now you know

My parents are great. Really, they are, but I have to admit that with their greatness comes some...issues. I didn't know it at the time, but my sister and I were raised really different than other kids we knew. It wasn't until I was an adult that I figured out that things were a little weird in my house. It is a constant source of discovery (for me) and entertainment (for my husband, brother-in-law and best friend) to come across new and interesting things I didn't know before.

So interesting, in fact, I decided to make a list! (If you haven't realized by now, I REALLY like lists.)

Things I didn't know:

• There should be meat in things like tacos, lasagna, spaghetti. Growing up, we had "mock" lasagna made with spinach, cottage cheese and a little bit of sauce. Tacos were cheese, lettuce, tomatoes and olives.
• There is a whole array of medicines that treat all kinds of things! Nausea medicine, heartburn medicine, diarrhea medicine. It's like tiny little miracles in every single bottle!
• I didn't know that you should mop the floors. Frequently. Don't even get me started.
• I didn't know that 7-up, while not necessarily beneficial, can taste like nectar from Heaven when you are sick. Instead, we had awful shit like Pau d'Arco Tea which looked, smelled and tasted like boiled dirt. There are no words that can describe this atrocity.
• I didn't know that bread should only crunch if it's toasted. We had bread that had nuts and other large, crunchy stuff in it. And it was so heavy, it could double as a billy club in a pinch.
• I thought Bologna was the coolest thing EVER. We didn't have stuff like that so when I went to a friend's house I always hoped they would serve bologna. On white bread. I was probably the easiest kid to please, just throw me a couple pieces of bologna and white bread and I was a happy camper!

These are the greatest hits of my childhood. Jealous much?

Paper towels, my dad and my destiny

I married my dad. Well, okay... not literally, but almost.

Growing up, there was this strange phenomena that occurred every single morning. I never actually witnessed the event, but I can personally attest to its occurrence. Every morning, after my dad was done...doing whatever he did... in the kitchen, there was a crumpled up paper towel on the counter. Right smack in the middle of the counter. On this paper towel was a smear of avocado, just a smear. Now, our kitchen was like any other kitchen in that it had a garbage can in it. Right out in the open! In plain view! Not mysterious in its location. Yet, the actual throwing away of the paper towel alluded the user. I tell you, it was the oddest thing.

Now, being the young intellectual that I was, I quickly caught on that my dad was leaving this little treasure on the counter every morning. Why he was doing this has remained unknown and is one of our families great legends and will be retold for generations to come. *this is said with great drama and a grand sweeping of the arms*

Okay, maybe the part about great legends was the tiniest fabrication.

My mom and I have discussed this paper towel in great depth. Neither of us can figure out why he did this (and still does as far as I know). I suggested she just leave the towels on the counter and perhaps add her own touch of flair to the whole ordeal. Maybe just a touch of lipstick or some dribble of the fiber drink she consumes every morning. *gags* Sadly, my mom does not find these ideas as entertaining as I do.

Back to why I have married my dad. The Mr. does not leave a tenderly smooshed paper towel on the counter. What he DOES do is just as irritating though. I swear, every time he makes any kind of toast, he leaves a huge, crumby mess on the counter. It's like he's gathering his troops of crumbs to form his very own Crumb Army. Really? Is it that hard to sweep the crumbs into his hand and dust them off in the sink? They're just crumbs! Why do we have to save them? It's not like they're priceless jewels! It's not like I can claim they carry the image of a saint or George Clooney and sham people out thousands of dollars on eBay. Come on!

So, there you have it. I did that which I swore I would never do. Dammit, foiled again.