I bend, but I don't break

Do you remember the part in "The Matrix", where Neo fights Mr. Smith for the first time? Mr. Smith is beating the living hell out of him and Neo gets smacked around and knocked down over and over. Then, the turning point...Neo gets up, shakes the dust off and motions for Mr. Smith to bring it on. Because I like you, I have provided the video. Feel free to forward it to about 1:50 and watch the part I mentioned. I'll wait.

 

 

Super terrific, right? Well, that's me. Neo's me. Life has beaten the hell out of me lately and for awhile I just let it. But then, I remembered that not only am I not the type of person that is easily beaten down, I'm not the type of person that stays down after a beating. I always get up. Always.

So, I got up. I shook off the dust and said, "Bring it the fuck on."

I did, however make some changes. It's funny how a beating makes you reevaluate your life and remember what's important and what's just junk. Technically, I'm back on Facebook but I have zero interest in it. Perhaps that will change with time, perhaps not. So, if I don't respond to a comment, it's not because I'm being bitchy, I probably didn't see it.

Also, I made the decision to be done with school. I applied for graduation and will be taking part in commencement ceremonies in May. I took a long, hard look at what I was doing and realized that I was trying to be something I'm not and have no desire to be. I thought I was supposed to "be someone". Nearly everyone I know is "something"...a teacher, a nurse, an administrator, an attorney. I thought I was supposed to do that too. I was supposed to finish school so I could be "something". It took a 2x4 to the face for me to realize that I already am the thing I want most in the world to be.

I'm a mom.

I'm a Full-Time Mom and I am not ashamed of that. I'm a mom who is privileged to be home when the kids are home. To volunteer in their classrooms or go on field trips. I know their friends because I'm either at their school every day or their friends are at my house. I'm a mom who doubles as a taxi service for the two of them and however many additional kids I can fit in the car. And you know what? I like it. I like that their friends call me Mom and talk to me about stuff. So, instead of torturing myself through 2 more math classes and then transferring to a UC to complete my Bachelor's, I'm going to finish earning my AA and then I'm going to be completely satisfied with it.

I'm going to continue being a mom and enjoy it without the pressure of being in school all the fucking time. I'm going to help run our business so that my husband can stop working 10-12 hours a day, 6 days a week. I'm going to take care of my house so that it's a calm, safe, happy place for whoever walks through my door, I'm going to write. As in, write a book.

It's funny, all these years I thought I needed to be more and it turns out, I just needed to be me. And when I finally gave myself permission to do that, the world lifted off my shoulders and I could breathe again.

There are still some scary, ugly things I have to get in order and things are in motion to do so. It might not all turn out beautifully, but that's okay. In the Dark Days that may be ahead, I will remind myself that I can do this. I can Stand Fast. I will not break and if I fall, I will get up. I am Neo.

Geek alert

You might remember my fully awesome math class as described here. My good friend Marisa asked if I had found "The Geek" yet and at that point, I hadn't. You will be happy to know that "The Geek" has finally made her appearance. She has been there from the first day of class but apparently was hiding her little Geek Light under a bushel. She started in before class even began with tales of her escapades in math lab where she cornered some poor, unsuspecting tutor and then "worked ahead 2 whole chapters!!". Little did we know, she was just getting warmed up...

She was fairly bursting with her need to fly her Geek colors and shortly after class started, couldn't contain it any longer. Her hand shot up in the air and she started firing off questions left and right, "Will we need to do the Austrian Method? When will the first test be? Is it alright if I worked ahead? I hope so, because I worked ahead 2 chapters!".

You should be so proud Intrepid Reader, I put my hand over my mouth and didn't say a word. Not a word.

It's a jungle in here

As you may remember, I'm doggedly trying to finish my college degree. I'm happy to inform you that I am 3 classes away from graduating (Yay!) however, the 3 classes I have left are math, math and math (not yay!). Math has been the enemy my entire life. No bueno. Anyway, my semester started last night and I thought you might be interested to hear about some of my classmates. *grins wickedly*

First we have "The Talker". His natural habitat is the very front row and his innate behavior is to talk to the prof like they are old friends and to also weigh in on anything anyone else has said with his superior knowledge. Awesome.

Next, we have "The Latecomers". The Latecomer needs to make an entrance. What is this "on time" you speak of? We don't need no stinking schedule! They were excused ever so politely from the class ;)

As there will always be in a college class, "The Jock". He rolls in 45 minutes late to class because there was no one to remind him to be there. Lucky for him, he had his coach's business card and handed it over to the instructor with an attitude of entitlement with a splash of little boy holding an excuse from mommy note. Naturally, he was allowed to stay. Midway through the class, he also claimed the role of "The Sleeper".

We are also blessed with "The Joker". The Joker always has some smart-ass thing to say and then looks around to make sure everyone else appreciates his superior wit. This particular species is also prone to say "Fuck" under his breath. Repeatedly. Classic.

These are the main characters but there is a fine mix of minor players. The chick wearing an apron. Look, I get that you just got off work as a "Barista", but really...take the apron off, it's not doing you any favors.There is also the "Hip Mom". Now, make no mistake, this is not the mom who manages to look classy yet fashionable. This is the one that has her hair in pigtails and wears a Minion shirt.

Heaven help me...

I almost forgot...there's the guy with so much swagger, it's a wonder he hasn't had to have a hip replacement to fix all that excessive rotation.

As a whole, I think the class will be good for me. The instructor seems interested in teaching and is convinced that we are all math-minded, whether we realize it or not...because, "Even chickens can count to 13, and they're dumb!"